Greetings! I am here to welcome everyone and attempt to entertain while you unfortunate dial-up users (that beleaguered group to which I, alas, also belong) impatiently await the faltering metamorphosis upon this mundane screen. Yes, folks, I could have opted for an ordinary, speed loading yet commonplace web design, but I just could not forsake my absurd creative integrity. It's one of those vexing trade-offs like choosing to live here in the wilds so that I can milk the cow and till the fields in the nude, while, on the other hand, I lack all the innovative toys of "civilization" (well, some of them anyway). I can, however, snap on my fangs, hop in the old Studebaker and, begarbed with velvet corsetry, head to the city for a little night life whenever I am so inclined. Never one to waste an opportunity, I have successfully adopted a few strategies for annoyingly boring moments such as these. Might I suggest some personal hygiene work during this tedious wait time? A bit of nose picking, mung cleaning and hang nail biting could be quite satisfying. Or how about keeping a handy stash of Qtips, toothpicks, bobby pins, paperclips, safetypins... (you get the idea). At any rate, I do apologize to all my fellow dial-uppers... I hope you find it worth the wait.